i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
accomplished twins. life is a go
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
