The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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