he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
