brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
