I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
