I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
