Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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