i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
