It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I touched a dick in church today
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize