the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
