So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
