and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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