Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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