I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
