Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
