even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
