am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
