on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
