can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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