his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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