Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
