Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
