Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
