I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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