Umm I'm too high to move.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
