mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
