i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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