We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
