morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Acid is not a monday night drug
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
