I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
