I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
