You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
