I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
