I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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