he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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