Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
