I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Shame - the story of my life.
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