it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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