Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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