I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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