just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
