There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
