You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
