Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
