just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize