you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
