I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
