We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
