I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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