maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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