I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
