Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
