I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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