does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
