ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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