did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
