matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
