What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
