Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
