My friends, they love my intelligence
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
