I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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