I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize