literally had 100 drinks last night.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
