how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
