ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
