respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
