Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
