We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
As shirtless as possible
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize