WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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