I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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