You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
