It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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